Concussion

Zachary Hughes

__________

The weight sits just above, just behind my eyes,
Not throbbing or jabbing at me sharply—
It just pulls—makes my eyes and head want to sink down—

If someone told you to hit your head against the wall over and over, 
Would you do it?

What if they meant a lot to you
      And were really hard to please,
And when you hit your head just right,
      They gave you an affirming look and some words
That held a promise—

Someday soon,
      Maybe next year or in a couple,
You would get to hit your head on the wall
      A few less times
And use the new time you gained on more interesting tasks 
      That garner more glory and provide more fulfillment?

Would you overlook the mindless blows to your skull as means to an exhilarating end? 
      Would you try to flip the task of hitting your head into more positive terms, 
Smiling that at least you get the chance to keep hitting your head in some fashion 
      Because not everyone gets to do that at college, and at such a high level? 
When your head hitting is affirmed by The Task Giver, doesn't it feel almost worth it? 
      Then you walk away from the wall with a spring in your step,
delighted at such a good day at practice.

Look around at the other head-bangers—your peers—
      Some swing their necks into the barrier with joyous abandon,
Others tentatively tap foreheads on the wall until
      they are expelled from the drill by The Task Giver
Look upon the joyous rammers with both envy and worry.
      How much easier it must be for them to gain the affirmation and promotion you seek, 
How much worse off for their minds in the future.
      On the tentative tappers, look with pity and empathy.
They will struggle to advance, at least in the favor of The Task Giver,
      Yet you understand their natural, self-preservative tendency to hold back.

All this considered, it is a vital comfort to you that you are not alone in your task, 
      That by swinging your head heartily despite hesitations,
You support those around you,
      Help your brothers and yourself in The Task.
So you stay, forcing a smile on your face
      And hoping that those studies don't really show what they show.

__________

Zachary Hughes is a recent graduate of Furman University in Greenville, South Carolina. This fall, he begins a job as an English and History teacher at Jackson Hole Classical Academy in Wyoming. As a football player, Hughes was awarded the High School Heisman in 2015 and played for a year as a receiver and running back on the Furman football team. In his spare time, he enjoys climbing mountains and spending evenings in conversation with his wife, Rachel.

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