Love, Life, and Death on the Amazon
Steve Bernstein
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10/14/15, Amazon purchase: Family Life: A Novel, by Akhil Sharma, Kindle $9.14
We were on call for both moms 24/7. One of the remaining joys my partner and I shared was reading a book together in bed. She read. I nodded off. Dodger lay between us, snoring and chasing squirrels in his dreams.
1/23/16, Amazon purchase: Sleepmaster memory foam getaway premier folding guest bed, $238.90
Converted mom’s one-bedroom apartment to accommodate live-in aids. She’s 88. Multiple sclerosis is taking its toll.
12/5/16
My brother called, “You might want to come over. I think mom’s having a hard time.” As usual, my brother’s Asperger’s understated reality. When I got to her apartment, she was writhing on the floor, hallucinating. “Well, it may be her medication.”
“What about her medication?”
“We have been trying to get it since Wednesday.” I thought to myself, almost a week without her meds.
I asked, “What do you mean, trying to get it?”
“She called all last week and even had CVS call the neurologist to refill her prescription.”
“So, why didn’t he?”
“I don’t know.”
I could tell he was ashamed and frustrated. I didn’t ask the obvious. That would have made matters worse. I didn’t ask: Why didn’t you call me?
The med was a narcotic she had been on for 25 years. She was going through withdrawal. My 88-year old mom with MS was going through withdrawal. My mom spiraled downward, never fully recovering.
2/9/17
Got my mom to the hospice home.
2/12/17, Amazon purchase, Office Star Multipurpose Rectangle Table, 4-Feet Long, Height Adjustable, Center Folding, $58.42
My partner of 17 years dumped me. Life and love were always a burden for her. Our relationship, on top of caring for both moms, was just too much. She was getting ready to actualize her thirty-year fantasy of committing suicide after her mother goes. My ex moved into my mom’s apartment, used the folding table as a temporary desk, and for seven weeks, slept on the Sleepmaster Memory Foam cot.
3/28/17
Mom died.
4/3/17, Amazon purchase : Hold ‘Em Up Dog Harness, 35-70 pounds, $100.00
At 17, Dodger’s rear legs were shaky. He and I had our first big talk about life and death.
8/14/17
Dodger’s rear legs finally gave out.
8/15/17
Dodger said no to food.
8/19/17 Amazon Return: Hold ‘Em Up Dog Harness. 35 to 70 pounds, $100.00
8/20/17
Dodger and I had our last talk on the floor of the vet’s office. She put the needle into his shoulder. I kissed him, hugged him and told him, “I’ll see you later buddy.”
8/25/17
Dodger’s ashes arrived. The box is sitting on the floor of my office, next to the box with my mother’s ashes. For now.
9/5/17, Amazon purchase: 8 x 8 cloth photo album, w/front picture window, $24.95
A birthday gift from my ex to me loaded with 17 years of Dodger photos.
10/5/17 Amazon purchase: The Peaceful Pill Handbook: End of Life Strategies, 2016 Edition, $50.16
A birthday gift from me to my ex.
10/19/17
Got my ex’s mother to the hospice home. Just like with my mom, me and my ex share her care, two doors down the hall from my mom’s old room, 7 months earlier.
11/4/17
My ex’s mother died. It was a blessing that she died of congestive heart failure and not dementia. For seven years, as her dementia progressed, it wasn’t uncommon for me to tell a story or joke 10, 15 or 20 times in one sitting. Each time it was brand new. Each time it was a big hit. One of the great gifts from my time with my ex’s mother was that I didn’t need a whole lot of new material. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” was just the greatest song she had ever heard. Each time as if it were the first time. Hundreds of times we sang it together. She always remembered the words.
11/25/17 Amazon purchase: $19.99
Women’s Somewhere Over the Rainbow Tee Shirt, Large Black
My ex started planning her suicide wardrobe.
12/2/17, Amazon purchase: Astroglide Organic Oil-Based Personal Lubricant & Sensual Massage Oil – Experience Pure Pleasure – Ultra-Hydrating Natural Lubricant with Ylang Ylang Essential Oils, Coconut Oil, and More! $13.99
My ex came into our old bedroom as I was packing to visit a new girlfriend in Albuquerque. “Don’t forget the lube you just overnighted from Amazon. It’s for your trip, right? Hey, I can’t help it if I saw it in our Amazon account.” Busted. We then agreed, it’s time for separate Amazon accounts.
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Steve Bernstein is a plumber turned author whose memoir, Stories from the Stoop was published by Skyhorse Publishing in 2021. The memoir is a window into Bernstein’s life growing up in the 1960’s South Bronx among racial tension, street violence, and trouble at home.
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Posted in Winter Extravaganza and tagged in #boudin, #CNF, CNF