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is it too tender to kiss?

Hannah Rousselot

__________

I.
in the past, i always held my wounds out
gaping and red, hoping someone would notice
and want to kiss me better.

many tried, but none could re-knit
my skin, my heart, my brain together
with strands from their own body.
i had to do it myself- with blood
dripping down my hands and making
my thread slippery, hard to hold.
making my hands slippery,
hard to kiss.

II.
today, while trying to cut stale bread,
i sliced open the meaty muscle
that makes my thumb move.

i called you six times, crying.
i needed you to kiss and make it better.
you were in a meeting, so i decided to grit
my teeth and go to cvs for advice. (even now,
i can’t trust my own perception of my hurt)
the pharmacist told me i didn’t need stitches

and i listened to her despite my soaked-red
paper towel. i bought bandaids and went home.
you saw my text and came home right away.
then you saw the blood and smelled the panic
and hugged me and drove me to the hospital.

you waited with me while the doctor used her
needle to sew me back together. she said it
was a good thing i didn’t listen to the pharmacist
and i told her the truth; you were the one
who said we had to come here. if it were up
to me, i would have bled through those bandaids
for hours yet. you drove me home and held
my tender hand in yours.

later, much later, we are sitting on the couch.
i go to take something off the table and wince.

you take my hand softly
and ask, “is it too tender to kiss?”

it is strength to heal on your own.
but it is strength, too, to accept a kiss
when you desperately needed one.

__________

Hannah Rousselot (she/her) is a queer French-American poet, writer, and educator. Her work revolves around her experiences with mental illness, love, loss, and her connection to the world. Her poetry has appeared in many publications, including Parentheses Magazine, The McNeese Review, The Blue Nib, and The Broadkill Review. Her first collection of poetry, Fragments of You, is available for purchase at Kelsay Books and Amazon. You can follow her work on facebook.com/hmrpoetry or @hannahrousselot.

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