{"id":17638,"date":"2024-10-27T17:42:36","date_gmt":"2024-10-27T22:42:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/?p=17638"},"modified":"2024-10-31T08:45:05","modified_gmt":"2024-10-31T13:45:05","slug":"it-came-from-the-roommates-beard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/2024\/10\/27\/it-came-from-the-roommates-beard\/","title":{"rendered":"It Came From the Roommate&#8217;s Beard"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-large-font-size\"><strong>It Came From the Roommate&#8217;s Beard<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-social-links is-content-justification-right is-layout-flex wp-container-core-social-links-is-layout-765c4724 wp-block-social-links-is-layout-flex\"><li class=\"wp-social-link wp-social-link-facebook  wp-block-social-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=61556140010887\" class=\"wp-block-social-link-anchor\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M12 2C6.5 2 2 6.5 2 12c0 5 3.7 9.1 8.4 9.9v-7H7.9V12h2.5V9.8c0-2.5 1.5-3.9 3.8-3.9 1.1 0 2.2.2 2.2.2v2.5h-1.3c-1.2 0-1.6.8-1.6 1.6V12h2.8l-.4 2.9h-2.3v7C18.3 21.1 22 17 22 12c0-5.5-4.5-10-10-10z\"><\/path><\/svg><span class=\"wp-block-social-link-label screen-reader-text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n\n<li class=\"wp-social-link wp-social-link-instagram  wp-block-social-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/boudin_mcneese\/\" class=\"wp-block-social-link-anchor\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M12,4.622c2.403,0,2.688,0.009,3.637,0.052c0.877,0.04,1.354,0.187,1.671,0.31c0.42,0.163,0.72,0.358,1.035,0.673 c0.315,0.315,0.51,0.615,0.673,1.035c0.123,0.317,0.27,0.794,0.31,1.671c0.043,0.949,0.052,1.234,0.052,3.637 s-0.009,2.688-0.052,3.637c-0.04,0.877-0.187,1.354-0.31,1.671c-0.163,0.42-0.358,0.72-0.673,1.035 c-0.315,0.315-0.615,0.51-1.035,0.673c-0.317,0.123-0.794,0.27-1.671,0.31c-0.949,0.043-1.233,0.052-3.637,0.052 s-2.688-0.009-3.637-0.052c-0.877-0.04-1.354-0.187-1.671-0.31c-0.42-0.163-0.72-0.358-1.035-0.673 c-0.315-0.315-0.51-0.615-0.673-1.035c-0.123-0.317-0.27-0.794-0.31-1.671C4.631,14.688,4.622,14.403,4.622,12 s0.009-2.688,0.052-3.637c0.04-0.877,0.187-1.354,0.31-1.671c0.163-0.42,0.358-0.72,0.673-1.035 c0.315-0.315,0.615-0.51,1.035-0.673c0.317-0.123,0.794-0.27,1.671-0.31C9.312,4.631,9.597,4.622,12,4.622 M12,3 C9.556,3,9.249,3.01,8.289,3.054C7.331,3.098,6.677,3.25,6.105,3.472C5.513,3.702,5.011,4.01,4.511,4.511 c-0.5,0.5-0.808,1.002-1.038,1.594C3.25,6.677,3.098,7.331,3.054,8.289C3.01,9.249,3,9.556,3,12c0,2.444,0.01,2.751,0.054,3.711 c0.044,0.958,0.196,1.612,0.418,2.185c0.23,0.592,0.538,1.094,1.038,1.594c0.5,0.5,1.002,0.808,1.594,1.038 c0.572,0.222,1.227,0.375,2.185,0.418C9.249,20.99,9.556,21,12,21s2.751-0.01,3.711-0.054c0.958-0.044,1.612-0.196,2.185-0.418 c0.592-0.23,1.094-0.538,1.594-1.038c0.5-0.5,0.808-1.002,1.038-1.594c0.222-0.572,0.375-1.227,0.418-2.185 C20.99,14.751,21,14.444,21,12s-0.01-2.751-0.054-3.711c-0.044-0.958-0.196-1.612-0.418-2.185c-0.23-0.592-0.538-1.094-1.038-1.594 c-0.5-0.5-1.002-0.808-1.594-1.038c-0.572-0.222-1.227-0.375-2.185-0.418C14.751,3.01,14.444,3,12,3L12,3z M12,7.378 c-2.552,0-4.622,2.069-4.622,4.622S9.448,16.622,12,16.622s4.622-2.069,4.622-4.622S14.552,7.378,12,7.378z M12,15 c-1.657,0-3-1.343-3-3s1.343-3,3-3s3,1.343,3,3S13.657,15,12,15z M16.804,6.116c-0.596,0-1.08,0.484-1.08,1.08 s0.484,1.08,1.08,1.08c0.596,0,1.08-0.484,1.08-1.08S17.401,6.116,16.804,6.116z\"><\/path><\/svg><span class=\"wp-block-social-link-label screen-reader-text\">Instagram<\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>J.B. Stone<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">__________<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">His beard was so massive, so brooding, so thick, that one could fit more than a dust pile of fugitives from a vacuum bag, but a whole damn buffet. Daryl seemed to be more beard than man. Every time I would get back from another shift dealing with the combination of delights and randos, bartending at The Pink on Allen, it wouldn\u2019t matter if I was coming back from work at 4:30AM or waking up at 11AM, I would see him half-naked on the living room sofa, his beard draped down to his crotch, and watch him feed his beard. At first, I saw maybe corn nuts, tootsie pops stuck to it, but there were times I would see the food sink in his beard like children trapped in quicksand. This wasn\u2019t just an accident, no aftermath of crumb, no unintended spillage. He would literally scoop cereal, and milk into his beard. He would feed it spaghetti, ramen stir-fry, <em>Grillos<\/em> hot dill pickles, leftover wings from <em>Gabriel\u2019s Gate<\/em>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">There were nights I would stare in horror watching tentacles peer out from this thick beard which seemed to grow longer and longer each and every day, a wormhole almost illuminating the room in blue light. I wasn\u2019t sure if it was a hallucination brought about from the eerie calm of shroom tea, or maybe the result of insomnia, but even I can only hold so much imagination until it morphs into a reality. One night I saw an entire cow\u2019s carcass in our living room. Before I even had a chance to react and <em>scream what the fuck<\/em>, his beard opened a gate of sharp, circular saw teeth, leech-like jaws, set in several rows, and of course those long cephalopodic tentacles. The beard pulled in the poor cattle, slowly engulfing the cow like a meat processor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The following night, sometime around 11:20 PM, I confronted Daryl, while he stared aimlessly at the TV for the umpteenth hour of the umpteenth day. There was a jaundice look baggaged across his face. I snapped my fingers like a wake-up call, in a fervent rage and panic that was longing for closure.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cOkay dude, we need to talk, better yet, WE\u2019VE BEEN NEEDING TO TALK,\u201d I demanded.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cSure, I know what this is about, you\u2019re looking to kick me out,\u201d he said, simultaneously rolling up a fat joint of weed. \u201cMind if I smoke as we talk?\u201d he continued, nonchalantly, as if he\u2019d had this same conversation a hundred times before.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">He lit up his joint, making it clear his question was rhetorical.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWell, ya sort of beat me to the punch man, not really anything else to discuss. In fact, the only reason I didn\u2019t call the cops\u2014&#8221;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201c\u2014Because you saw the monster and if you called the cops, they\u2019d think you\u2019re crazy,\u201d he blows his smoke into the ceiling, still more calm and collective than any normal human being should be.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cYeah\u2026 so wait? What the fuck is going on? Has this been an issue with past roommates and landlords. And what is that goddamn thing crawling out of your beard?\u201d I shouted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cYou got a lot of questions. Understandable. Okay stand back now, like all the way back.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I moved to the front of the archway, at the very end of the living room, only to tremble at the sight of it all. The monster slowly spidered and slugged its giant self out of the beard, a pinwheel anatomy of tentacles, a giant mouth of teeth in the place of torso and a neck. As the monster moved closer, like a tumbleweed from hell, I didn\u2019t book it, I was too scared to even back away, let alone run. My knees buckled and I collapsed to the ground, turtling myself, hoping I could hunch my back into a shell, pretending my spine was armor no sword-sharpened teeth could pierce.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The monster moved in, a steam of heavy, bullish grunts from wherever its snout was, snorting and salivating at the taste of what my flesh would bring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Daryl, then approaches me, menacingly, as I cower in the corner of the archway.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cLike him? I know I do. Not sure what species he is, nor the name of the dimension he hails from, but I woke up one day, and his home world opened up in my beard. I have no idea what mystic force brought him into my life, but he\u2019s been with me for a few years now. You may seem him as an \u2018it\u2019 or a \u2018thing,\u2019 but for me, his name will always be Max,\u201d he rambles, laughing, in between his sick little monologue.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Daryl takes off his aviators, and his eyes open wide, crazed, revealing his pupils colored in cosmic purple.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cEver wonder how I still managed to get my references? Max! Ever wonder why you rarely see me plugging away at my WFH job? Max! Max isn\u2019t just my pet, nor my protector, he\u2019s my family, and you don\u2019t fuck with family! Max realizes that! I could give so many examples, but you probably get the point by now. Right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cR-r-r-right.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cGlad we understand each other.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">After that altercation I never said another word to him. I knew the evil on the other side of my bedroom was there, and there was nothing I could do about it. Every night I will hear the snarls and growls pummeling through the sound barrier of my walls. I will hear the monster in Daryl\u2019s beard feasting, engulfing the whole carcasses of dead livestock to munching and crunching sleeves of Ritz crackers and Oreos. All I can do is listen; all I can do is allow my silence to be bought, lest I\u2019m next on the monster\u2019s menu. All I can do is wallow. All I can do is shake. I\u2019m just glad this is a one-year lease, because if they aren\u2019t out of here by June 1<sup>st<\/sup>, I know I\u2019ll be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">__________<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"540\" height=\"560\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/10\/Screenshot-2024-10-21-000819.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-17640\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/10\/Screenshot-2024-10-21-000819.png 540w, https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/10\/Screenshot-2024-10-21-000819-289x300.png 289w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 540px) 100vw, 540px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>J.B. Stone<\/strong> dressed as the older Steven Universe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">__________<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>J.B. Stone<\/strong> (he\/they) is a Neurodivergent\/Autistic spoken word poet, teaching artist, critic, writer, wannabe wicca, and Steven Universe impersonator, from Brooklyn, NY, now residing in Buffalo, NY. They serve as Founding EIC\/Reviews Editor at <em>Variety Pack<\/em> and reads flash fiction for <em>Split Lip Magazine<\/em>. Nominated for both Best Small Fictions and Best of the Net, J.B. &#8216;s writing has appeared or is forthcoming in <em>Star*Line<\/em>, <em>Coffin Bell<\/em>, <em>The Citron Review<\/em>, <em>Flashback Fiction<\/em>,<em> Flash Fiction Magazine<\/em>, <em>Vol. 1 Brooklyn<\/em>, among other spaces.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">__________<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignleft size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"438\" height=\"211\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-15484\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1.jpg 438w, https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1-300x145.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 438px) 100vw, 438px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-large-font-size\">\ud83e\udca0 <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/2024\/10\/27\/the-cherry-pit\/\">Back<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/2024\/10\/27\/tedious-monster\/\">Next<\/a> \ud83e\udca1<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">To learn more about submitting your work to <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/boudin-submissions\/\">Boudin<\/a><\/em> or applying to McNeese State University&#8217;s Creative Writing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/mfa-application-submissions\/\">MFA program<\/a>, please visit Submissions for details.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It Came From the Roommate&#8217;s Beard J.B. Stone __________ His beard was so massive, so brooding, so thick, that one could fit more than a dust pile of fugitives from a vacuum bag, but a whole damn buffet. Daryl seemed to be more beard than man. Every time I would get back from another shift&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":42,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[220],"tags":[75],"class_list":["post-17638","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boodin-creature-feature-oct-24","tag-boudin"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17638","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/42"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17638"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17638\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17767,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17638\/revisions\/17767"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17638"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17638"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17638"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}