{"id":13743,"date":"2020-05-19T14:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-05-19T19:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/the-sound-of-silence-by-amanda-hays\/"},"modified":"2026-05-04T11:59:10","modified_gmt":"2026-05-04T16:59:10","slug":"the-sound-of-silence-by-amanda-hays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/2020\/05\/19\/the-sound-of-silence-by-amanda-hays\/","title":{"rendered":"The Sound of Silence"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<ul class=\"wp-block-social-links is-content-justification-right is-layout-flex wp-container-core-social-links-is-layout-765c4724 wp-block-social-links-is-layout-flex\"><li class=\"wp-social-link wp-social-link-facebook  wp-block-social-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=61556140010887\" class=\"wp-block-social-link-anchor\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M12 2C6.5 2 2 6.5 2 12c0 5 3.7 9.1 8.4 9.9v-7H7.9V12h2.5V9.8c0-2.5 1.5-3.9 3.8-3.9 1.1 0 2.2.2 2.2.2v2.5h-1.3c-1.2 0-1.6.8-1.6 1.6V12h2.8l-.4 2.9h-2.3v7C18.3 21.1 22 17 22 12c0-5.5-4.5-10-10-10z\"><\/path><\/svg><span class=\"wp-block-social-link-label screen-reader-text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n\n<li class=\"wp-social-link wp-social-link-instagram  wp-block-social-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/boudin_mcneese\/\" class=\"wp-block-social-link-anchor\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M12,4.622c2.403,0,2.688,0.009,3.637,0.052c0.877,0.04,1.354,0.187,1.671,0.31c0.42,0.163,0.72,0.358,1.035,0.673 c0.315,0.315,0.51,0.615,0.673,1.035c0.123,0.317,0.27,0.794,0.31,1.671c0.043,0.949,0.052,1.234,0.052,3.637 s-0.009,2.688-0.052,3.637c-0.04,0.877-0.187,1.354-0.31,1.671c-0.163,0.42-0.358,0.72-0.673,1.035 c-0.315,0.315-0.615,0.51-1.035,0.673c-0.317,0.123-0.794,0.27-1.671,0.31c-0.949,0.043-1.233,0.052-3.637,0.052 s-2.688-0.009-3.637-0.052c-0.877-0.04-1.354-0.187-1.671-0.31c-0.42-0.163-0.72-0.358-1.035-0.673 c-0.315-0.315-0.51-0.615-0.673-1.035c-0.123-0.317-0.27-0.794-0.31-1.671C4.631,14.688,4.622,14.403,4.622,12 s0.009-2.688,0.052-3.637c0.04-0.877,0.187-1.354,0.31-1.671c0.163-0.42,0.358-0.72,0.673-1.035 c0.315-0.315,0.615-0.51,1.035-0.673c0.317-0.123,0.794-0.27,1.671-0.31C9.312,4.631,9.597,4.622,12,4.622 M12,3 C9.556,3,9.249,3.01,8.289,3.054C7.331,3.098,6.677,3.25,6.105,3.472C5.513,3.702,5.011,4.01,4.511,4.511 c-0.5,0.5-0.808,1.002-1.038,1.594C3.25,6.677,3.098,7.331,3.054,8.289C3.01,9.249,3,9.556,3,12c0,2.444,0.01,2.751,0.054,3.711 c0.044,0.958,0.196,1.612,0.418,2.185c0.23,0.592,0.538,1.094,1.038,1.594c0.5,0.5,1.002,0.808,1.594,1.038 c0.572,0.222,1.227,0.375,2.185,0.418C9.249,20.99,9.556,21,12,21s2.751-0.01,3.711-0.054c0.958-0.044,1.612-0.196,2.185-0.418 c0.592-0.23,1.094-0.538,1.594-1.038c0.5-0.5,0.808-1.002,1.038-1.594c0.222-0.572,0.375-1.227,0.418-2.185 C20.99,14.751,21,14.444,21,12s-0.01-2.751-0.054-3.711c-0.044-0.958-0.196-1.612-0.418-2.185c-0.23-0.592-0.538-1.094-1.038-1.594 c-0.5-0.5-1.002-0.808-1.594-1.038c-0.572-0.222-1.227-0.375-2.185-0.418C14.751,3.01,14.444,3,12,3L12,3z M12,7.378 c-2.552,0-4.622,2.069-4.622,4.622S9.448,16.622,12,16.622s4.622-2.069,4.622-4.622S14.552,7.378,12,7.378z M12,15 c-1.657,0-3-1.343-3-3s1.343-3,3-3s3,1.343,3,3S13.657,15,12,15z M16.804,6.116c-0.596,0-1.08,0.484-1.08,1.08 s0.484,1.08,1.08,1.08c0.596,0,1.08-0.484,1.08-1.08S17.401,6.116,16.804,6.116z\"><\/path><\/svg><span class=\"wp-block-social-link-label screen-reader-text\">Instagram<\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-large-font-size\"><strong>The Sound of Silence<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>Amanda Hays<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">__________<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray\ncouldn\u2019t decide which of the oozing, bleeding bags of meat would most please\nhis brother. The overhead lights in the meat section of the Piggy Wiggly were\ndim, the air cool. After much deliberation, he tossed one of the packages into his\nbasket, not bothering to be careful with the plastic wrap safeguarding the bovine\njuices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">He dreaded going to his parents\u2019 house that evening in honor of Oscar\u2019s successful return home. Two promotions in just three short years and Ray\u2019s younger brother was already making more money than Ray ever had. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-medium-font-size\"><strong>***<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray trudged over to the self-checkout line in hopes of avoiding contact with the optimistic o-mouthed employees, but as he arrived at station four the light dimmed on the sign over his head and the screen flickered to \u201cout of service.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cI can get you over here, Ray!\u201d Millie announced, waving her varicose-veined arms over her enormous head. Her glasses were fishbowls snapped over her runny blue eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cHow is Oscar?\u201d Millie asked, as everyone did. After Ray answered, she followed up with the second question everyone asked: How is the baby? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cThe baby\u201d made it sound like his own. Elijah was his older sister Katrina\u2019s child, but the townspeople acted as if he belonged to the whole family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Millie\u2019s friendliness unnerved him, made him angry, partly because he knew he couldn\u2019t be angry back. This town was his home. If he was rude, word would get around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray took the scenic route home despite the coagulating beef in the passenger seat. Ray\u2019s air conditioner had flubbed again and he didn\u2019t have the money to fix it. He hoped the warmth would act as a magnet for bacteria and diseases; he hoped the meat became parasitic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Gulls squawked overhead and dipped, coasting the warm breeze above the road. The trees, high and wet, dispersed air like the humidifier that had breathed every night in his and Oscar\u2019s childhood bedroom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Katrina\u2019s silver coupe was already parked in the driveway, and Ray, feeling put out by this detail, created a thin black scud on the curb in front of his parents\u2019 house. The meat felt like gloppy sand in his hand; he pushed open the front door and walked into the kitchen. His mother\u2019s dog Rupe scuttled and sneezed at his feet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cRay!\u201d his mother said, wrapping him in a hug that smelled, and did it taste? Like cinnamon sticks. The kind his grandmother used to leave out in a small ceramic bowl.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhen\u2019s Oscar getting here?\u201d Ray asked. His mother began to chop thin slices of tomato on the cutting board. The knife never made contact with the board. Ray kept expecting to hear the noise, the gentle thwump, but it never came.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cYour father\u2019s already gone to get him. They should be here any moment,\u201d she said. \u201cWill you fix some drinks? You know how your father feels about driving.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray wandered out of the kitchen and into the living room, where his older sister Katrina sat on her haunches on a pastel yellow blanket. She cooed at Elijah in some artificial language. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cKat,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cAre you going to be nice to him?\u201d she asked, skipping pleasantries. She wore an orange bikini and jean shorts. She dangled a plastic set of keys over the baby\u2019s head; he struggled to swat at them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cShouldn\u2019t you be asking <em>him<\/em> that?\u201d Ray said. He wondered what Oscar would be wearing when he arrived. He wouldn\u2019t be surprised if his brother wore a suit and a Rolex. Being a financial analyst paid well, after all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Although he could hear his mother in the kitchen, shifting plastic produce bags around on the kitchen counter, and the baby\u2019s keys making a gentle hollow noise when they collided\u2014the scene felt silent to Ray. He could almost plant himself on the tattered green couch in his apartment and convince himself he was watching all this on the 28-inch screen across the room. Maybe the sound was on mute, maybe it wasn\u2019t; Ray wasn\u2019t a part of the action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cJust keep an open mind,\u201d Katrina said. Her lips looked like a sunburn, red and flaking. Her hair, which used to be glossy, now looked like the kind of hair he found scattered on his mother\u2019s bathroom counter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-medium-font-size\"><strong>***<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray\u2019s head was thick with unease.\nHe nursed his Jack and Coke, stabbing at the bottom of the glass with his toothpick\nstraw. The moments before Oscar\u2019s arrival were heavy with expectation. Ray\u2019s\nmother didn\u2019t bother to create conversation; he imagined she was too invested\nin her thoughts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray heard the car pull into the driveway\u2014he could hear the energy, the thrum, from inside the house. A car door slapped shut. Footsteps neared the front door. There was a pause, as if Oscar was collecting his thoughts, and then the doorbell reverberated across the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">His mother sprinted to the front door, thrusting it open and enveloping her son in an anxious embrace. She was mumbling how much she\u2019d missed him, how much she loved him, and didn\u2019t he know he didn\u2019t have to ring the doorbell? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">As his mother dragged Oscar inside the house, pushing him toward the heart of it, the kitchen, Ray padded down the driveway. Ray saw his father\u2019s face flushed through the windshield, his hands clawing at the steering wheel as he fought to make the car park on the side of the road. Ray didn\u2019t think his father would notice the black marks his own car had made.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cDad!\u201d Ray said, waving his arms and signaling for his father to pause. The car hitched to a stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cIt won\u2019t park,\u201d his father muttered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray walked to the side of the car and opened the driver\u2019s door. He could have commented on his father\u2019s less than stellar parking skills, but instead he motioned for his father to get out of the vehicle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cLet me park it, Dad,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray\u2019s father didn\u2019t say anything, just stepped out of the car and surveyed it, too many feet away from the curb, the steering wheel spun around and tangled. Ray sat and maneuvered the car toward the curb. The car, brand new, responded quickly and lithely, so unlike Ray\u2019s own truck. He had no trouble parking the vehicle. His father walked toward the house, unwilling to watch how easy it was for Ray to handle the car. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray stepped inside the house, his body tense, on alert for Oscar. How would his brother greet him? Would they hug or shake hands? Would his brother even speak to him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">He heard his family\u2019s muted\nlaughter. He rounded the corner and saw them crowded around the kitchen island,\nsaw the way that everyone stood around Oscar like he was their sun. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cI was wondering where you\u2019d gone off to,\u201d Ray\u2019s mother said. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">A dull thudding clouded all sensation in Ray\u2019s body; he felt the clattering of his own heart. His brother turned toward him, his smile wide, his teeth pulled back from his gums and white, so white, and embraced him. Ray took too long to reciprocate. His brother\u2019s back was slick with sweat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The conversation thrummed and Ray listened to the gentle lull of his family\u2019s voices, but not their words. The noise halted and Ray realized everyone was looking at him. A bird screeched outside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhat?\u201d Ray asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhat have you been up to?\u201d Oscar asked, his voice deeper and sweeter than Ray had remembered. He hadn\u2019t seen his brother in three years, since Oscar had graduated college. But Oscar had been distant for longer than that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cI work at Chaney Public Library,\u201d Ray said. Chaney was the library that he and Oscar had frequented in the summers of their childhood. Ray had picked out chapter books, something with a good twist, his fingers grazing the bubbled lettering; Oscar would come down the stairs from the adult section, his hands intertwined beneath a thick stack of books. In the evening, when Oscar was showering or out with friends, Ray would sneak over to his younger brother\u2019s nightstand and look at the books. He stumbled over the thick, unforgiving words on the pages until he gave up, shutting the book. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cReally?\u201d Oscar asked, grinning. To Ray, the smile seemed knowing, as if Oscar too were remembering the kinds of books that Ray read as a child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray busied his hands with Oscar\u2019s bags, which were heavy and made out of thick, still-smelling leather. He clomped up the stairs, his muscles throbbing under the weight. He dropped the bags at the entrance of the guest bedroom. His parents had sold their childhood home several years ago, but the guest room seemed like it belonged to Oscar. He was the only one who ever used it, and rarely at that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray felt a prickle of curiosity. What was in those bags? Did Oscar have any secrets?&nbsp; Ray backed out of the room. Of course Oscar didn\u2019t have secrets. As children, Oscar had shared everything with everyone. Oscar didn\u2019t have anything to be ashamed of. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Sports, science, math, reading: everything came easily to Oscar. Ray loved to read but reading was an effort, something he stayed up into the early hours of the morning practicing, reading <em>The Hardy Boys<\/em> under his navy bed sheets with the sputtering reading light he had been given for his birthday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">As Ray descended the stairs, his\nparents were popping a bottle of champagne, his mother laughing as she covered\nthe top with her hands, holding the bottle away from her as if it were a\ndangerous thing. Ray had never seen his mother so happy\u2014her face lit with\ncontentment, her hands opening and extending toward Oscar without her even\nrealizing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cIt feels like Christmas,\u201d his mother said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray could feel the heat inside, could feel fingers of humidity pushing their way underneath the windowsills and filling the room with moisture. His shirt, a khaki polo from Kohl\u2019s, adhered to his skin. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">His mother held Oscar\u2019s arm and led him outdoors and onto the screened-in porch. His father gathered the meat into his hands and squished it tightly into the shape of a patty, making a sound like a foot in mud. Katrina picked the baby up from its blanket on the floor and fastened a light blue hat around its head. For a second, Ray couldn\u2019t remember the baby\u2019s name. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Elijah. How could he have forgotten? Katrina wanted to name the baby something biblical, even though neither she nor her husband was religious\u2014she thought the name would protect the child, give him some mythical power to take on the world without getting harmed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhat are you waiting for?\u201d she asked, jerking her head toward the patio. Katrina, who was seven years older than Ray, hadn\u2019t been a part of all those games he and Oscar had played. She watched them from her chaise longue, applying suntan lotion to her already bronzed body, never paying close attention to her brothers\u2019 activities. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><em>We\u2019re\nbuilding a float, Ray.<\/em>\n<em>Go get some big sticks from around back,\nwill you? I\u2019m going to work on the design.<\/em> Oscar drew up the plans and\nsupervised as Ray, the mule, assembled the pieces and gathered supplies, sweat\ndripping from every part of his body. He was the elder brother but the dumber\nof the two\u2014no one had ever said this to him but he knew it nonetheless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray let himself out onto the patio, feeling abandoned. He kicked himself for feeling this way. Bugs thrummed from all sides, batting their bodies against the screen. His parents\u2019 house didn\u2019t back up to a view, just that of a house on a patch of grass in front of them. The air smelled of heat and the beginnings of ash from the grill in the corner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray slipped into a chair that had giant mosquitos printed all over the cushion. His mother asked him if he wanted any champagne, but he shook his head. Oscar declined as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cIs our champagne not good enough for you? You probably drink this stuff like water,\u201d Ray\u2019s mother said. She took a tiny sip, so small that Ray wasn\u2019t sure if the beverage touched her lips.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cIn a little while. I already have this,\u201d Oscar said, holding up a small plastic cup with his initials printed on in Sharpie. Ray wondered what his brother was drinking. Ray had the strangest desire to challenge his brother to a drinking competition, because he knew he could win at that at least, but it was childish, and Oscar was far too sophisticated to engage in that kind of behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cHave they redone Chaney?\u201d Oscar asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cNo,\u201d Ray said. \u201cThe children\u2019s section really needs it, though.\u201d The children\u2019s section, the smallest section of the library, was filled with old books and shabby tables and chairs. Water damage stained the plastic covers and cloth spines of most of the books and the walls were discolored from the humidity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cHmm,\u201d Oscar said. Ray wondered if Oscar had forgotten what the children\u2019s section looked like; he\u2019d stepped foot in it only to collect Ray from the small green beanbag chair next to the window. Perhaps Oscar thought it reflected poorly on him, Ray, not to have pushed for the remodel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Katrina stepped onto the patio and settled into a chair. She closed her eyes, then opened them again, bobbing the child up and down on her knee. The baby\u2019s face was mottled from the heat and Ray found himself staring at the pale, chunky body as if it were a foreign creature. He\u2019d never found Elijah cute. Did that make him a shitty uncle? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cAre you seeing anyone?\u201d Oscar asked, staring downward at his cup. Oscar had a special skill of sucking in all the attention from a room and feeding it back to one person in particular. Everyone else had to watch, wait their turn for his affections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cNo,\u201d Ray said. He hadn\u2019t seen anyone for months, and the last woman he\u2019d been with was the assistant librarian at Chaney, who had let him fuck her on one of the big wooden tables. The table creaked and groaned under their weight, but other than that, it was silent. Neither of them came. After, Ray sat alone in his truck and smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. He\u2019d left the cigarettes in the parking lot in a muddled ashy heap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cAre <em>you<\/em>?\u201d Ray asked. \u201cSeeing anyone I mean?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Oscar looked taken aback. He clearly hadn\u2019t expected the question to be reversed to himself. Ray was pleased. He glanced over at their father, who had come outside to grill the patties. He stood in front of the grill, which spat hamburger juice. His father\u2019s shirt was off and the gray hairs on his chest were knotted together with sweat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cNo,\u201d Oscar said, biting his lower lip. Ray had never seen his brother do this before, and found himself wondering if it was a new habit and when precisely he had developed it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray\u2019s legs were slippery with sweat, and he could feel droplets of the stuff sliding down his back like it was a waterslide. The heat wasn\u2019t oppressive; in some way, it was almost pleasant sitting there sweating his ass off with his family. His mother\u2019s hair stuck to the sides of her face. The baby made noises from its spot on Katrina\u2019s lap. Katrina was the only one wearing a bathing suit, and she kept glancing into the distance as if searching for the ocean, but the bug screens were too crisscrossed and blackened to admit much of the outside world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">As a child, Ray had wandered out the back door and through the fields of thick grass behind their property, never worrying about what might lie in between the strands, and down to the beach, where his feet found respite from the walk. Sand sucked the tough soles of his feet. He often took his backpack down to the water and read, his butt planted firmly on a cool patch of sand. His mother chastised him for muddying every single pair of pants. Ray liked the coolness underneath him, the way the earth rose up to meet his body but realized it couldn\u2019t ever grab him when he stood up, brushing sand off the seat of his shorts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cDo you miss being close to the ocean?\u201d Ray asked his mother. No one had said anything in quite some time, or maybe they had and Ray hadn\u2019t noticed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cSometimes,\u201d his mother said. \u201cBut I like the change.\u201d She leaned over and touched a lighter to a citronella candle, which quickly let off dark smoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cYou have the screen,\u201d Katrina said, pointing to it as if her mother were unaware of it. She dabbed some water from her glass onto the baby\u2019s face. Elijah made a face and began crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray knew that his mother loved the smell of citronella candles. How could Katrina not know something so basic about their mother? Ray debated asking Oscar whether he too had forgotten this important detail about their mother. Ray breathed in the scent, which reminded him of nights spent camping outside in the dense grass, far away from the house, what felt like miles, but miles to a child, because even now Ray could see the upstairs light on, his mother\u2019s figure walking back and forth in front of the glass, probably singing some Woody Guthrie tune to herself and running their father a honey-scented bath. Katrina never participated in these late-night excursions. Ray and Oscar would pack a small suitcase full of snacks and juice boxes and lug it out to the grass behind the house where they set up the tent. Oscar scattered the food around the area, under rocks, behind rotting stumps, near anthills\u2014nothing was off-limits\u2014and Ray would forage for the Ziploc bags of Ritz and Goldfish, bringing them back to Oscar and saying, \u201cThis is what\u2019s for dinner tonight,\u201d and Oscar would nod and say, \u201cOf course, I realize that is all there is,\u201d and they would eat in silence, filling the space beneath them with fine crumbs. They fell asleep listening to the frogs and insects, which created a dense curtain of sound. Their faces only inches apart, they\u2019d whisper to each other; sometimes, if it began to storm and rain pummeled the tent and shook it violently, Oscar would inch his sleeping bag near Ray\u2019s and hold his hand, just the fingertips, but enough so that it counted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cI wake up and I\u2019m not sure if I remember what the ocean sounds like anymore,\u201d Oscar said now. He put his finger into his cup and moved it around, like calling a dog to the water bowl. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cIn that moment, it is imperative that I see the ocean, at all costs,\u201d he continued, his face inscrutable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhy don\u2019t you come home?\u201d Ray asked, surprising himself. Their father glanced up from the grill, his face flushed but the first hints of hope at the corners of his lips, his eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cYes, come home,\u201d their mother said. Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn\u2019t let them fall. Katrina got out of her chair and took the baby inside. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cA computer can play the sounds of waves, now,\u201d Oscar said. \u201cDid you know that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">A moment of despair circulated the patio, trapped inside the enclosed space, unable to parse through the miniature holes in the screen; crushing and weighty, the feeling managed to escape, leaving behind a whisper, a fragment of what it once held. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-medium-font-size\"><strong>***<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">On the way home, Ray longed to\nspeak to someone, but his passenger seat was empty. If he gave the truck some\ngas he could create some of his own noise with the whipping wind from the\nunrolled window. That way his thoughts weren\u2019t so loud. The dash lit up. Even the\nlate night radio announcer sounded lonely, his disembodied voice drifting out\nof the speakers of the truck and floating around its interior. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Oscar is unhappy, Ray thought. Even after three years apart, his brother\u2019s movements, the way he spoke and yet gave nothing away, was familiar. When Ray graduated high school, he went to community college and lived at home but when Oscar graduated high school, he shocked them all by attending a school five hours away. Ray saw him at family gatherings and dinners, but Oscar often wouldn\u2019t look up from his plate. Ray left messages on Oscar\u2019s cell phone that grew increasingly desperate: please call me back. That was when the loneliness first set in for Ray, when Oscar stopped responding, stopped contact with Ray altogether. There had been no fight, no signs, just a crunching feeling in Ray\u2019s stomach when his brother became distant. One night Ray drove all the way to campus and knocked hard on the door, saying, \u201cIt\u2019s me, Oscar, just me!\u201d but Oscar never answered. Ray hoped he was out, but he spotted his brother\u2019s banged up blue Acura in the parking lot around back. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray unlocked his apartment door and draped himself on the couch. The apartment smelled of the pizza he forgot to put in the fridge last night. The air conditioning unit was making strange squawking noises but he didn\u2019t get up to check on it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray felt the familiar glove of loneliness. He invited girls over sometimes, from bars mostly, just to listen to someone else\u2019s heartbeat in his apartment. He could still hear the animal noise outside, pulsing and gyrating, pattering on his windows and walls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">As he lay there, his back supported by two uncomfortable Wal-Mart pillows, he closed his eyes. He listened to the bugs outside, breathed in the heat, which made his head pulse. He tried to picture Oscar beside him, side by side on their easy-to-wipe-off sleeping bags, smelling like the great outdoors and Dove shampoo. Ray couldn\u2019t picture Oscar with him, not in that tent and not in this apartment, which was so many levels beneath Oscar. Oscar was brilliant, with an acerbic wit and a love for hiding in small spaces and jumping out and scaring people shitless\u2014yeah, Oscar was good at that, Ray thought, at least eighteen-year-old Oscar was. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray felt an incredible rage toward his brother, so biting that sometimes Ray wished Oscar would get into a car crash and die. Ray would bring flowers to the funeral and wear a nicely pressed suit and stand over the casket shouting, \u201cHe\u2019s not the better brother!\u201d And when he felt like this, he drank until he could direct that anger toward himself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-medium-font-size\"><strong>***<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cI want to see the old house,\u201d Oscar said. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The whole family was gathered in the kitchen of his parents\u2019 house. Their mother was dicing onions and tomatoes for a casserole. Katrina was reading the recipe book and gathering all the ingredients into a giant cache on the island. The baby bobbed up and down in his bouncy chair, a gift from Oscar last Christmas. He hadn\u2019t shown up for any festivities, but he\u2019d sent gifts. He sent a brand new stereo system, top of the line, to Ray\u2019s apartment, but there hadn\u2019t been a note, not even a return address. Ray had called the company asking about a mix up in a speaker delivery and had been told that the stereo system was \u201ca gift from an Oscar Loyent to a Raymond Loyent.\u201d And then, \u201cAre you Mr. Raymond?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhy, honey?\u201d their mother asked, gesturing for Katrina to pass the recipe book to her. Ray and Oscar\u2019s parents had sold the house after Oscar had graduated high school; it was too expensive for them to afford. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cI just want to see who lives there, now,\u201d Oscar said. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWell there\u2019s time if you want to go see it. Your brother can drive you,\u201d their mother said. Her eyes were watering from the onions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Oscar stepped from foot to foot. He seemed to be considering this proposition. His blond hair was overly jelled. He wore a purple V-neck and slacks although it was steaming hot outside. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cAll right,\u201d he said finally. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The two of them walked down the driveway. Ray stopped. His heart was pounding like he was on a first date. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cDo you want to drive?\u201d Ray asked. He said it abashedly, as if the question might make Oscar change his mind and go back inside. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cNo, I want you to drive,\u201d Oscar said. They walked carefully down the driveway and climbed into the truck. Ray didn\u2019t look at Oscar\u2019s face; he didn\u2019t want to see the look of distaste. Ray remembered the air conditioner was broken. Oh shit, he thought. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cA.C\u2019s out,\u201d he said, rolling down the windows. Oscar looked out the window and didn\u2019t respond. Ray wondered if Oscar remembered how to get to the house. Why the sudden change of heart? he wanted to ask. Why are you talking to me now? After all these years?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The drive was short, and the breeze made the time bearable. Ray didn\u2019t feel like talking, didn\u2019t know what there was to say, or maybe it was that there was too much to say, and his throat was clogged up with all those lost syllables.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The house was two stories and pink. Pink lemonade, Katrina used to say. Flowerbeds containing leafy red plants lined the front of the house. A small plastic tricycle lay on its side in the grass. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cDo you remember those matching bikes we had?\u201d Ray asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cYeah,\u201d Oscar said, talking out the window. Ray thought he could smell him but he wasn\u2019t sure. He smelled something foreign, something not quite Dove.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray killed the engine and exited the truck. Oscar scrambled to get out of the truck but he was protesting now, asking some question about what did Ray think he was doing? but getting out nonetheless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray made his way up the walkway where he had once drawn tiny illustrations of monsters and dinosaurs in sidewalk chalk. After he was done he would spray water on them and watch the colors grow brighter for a second before disappearing completely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhat are we doing?\u201d Oscar asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray rang the doorbell. The noise was different than when he\u2019d lived here, but Ray couldn\u2019t describe how it was different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">A small child answered the door. He had to reach up to grab the doorknob. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cHi, I\u2019m Matthew,\u201d the boy said. He looked about four years old.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cHi, Matthew. Are your parents home?\u201d Ray asked. He could feel his brother\u2019s eyes on the side of his face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Matthew disappeared inside the house, leaving the door wide open. The new family had added hardwood floors and new carpet to the stairs, and of course the furniture was different, but there were the giant windows that Ray had tried to plaster himself to and reach all four corners of, and the wall that Katrina had whacked her head on. Ray wondered if there was still blood on the wall, underneath the fresh coat of olive green paint. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Oscar was beside him instead of behind him now. He looked into the house, scanning everything. Their eyes met for a second and Oscar briefly smiled. Ray\u2019s heart felt different, dare he say fluttered, but no that wasn\u2019t exactly the way to describe it, but was there a word to describe this feeling? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">A young woman appeared, her hair in a high ponytail. She wore a short cotton dress and her toenails were painted yellow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhat can I do for you?\u201d she asked. Ray could hear Matthew playing in the background, running his cars along the hardwood floors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cMy brother and I used to live here, and he\u2019s visiting from out of town. I know it\u2019s a lot to ask, but would you mind if we looked around out back for a few minutes?\u201d Ray asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The woman eyed Ray\u2019s truck, a piece of tin on the side of the road, and puckered her lips. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cOkay, but just a few minutes,\u201d she said, then closed the door. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray and Oscar walked around the side of the house. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhoa,\u201d Oscar said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The giant expanse of grass was gone. Not just a house, but houses, stretched in front of them. A tiny garden was being cultivated in the corner of the yard\u2014Ray couldn\u2019t believe it; the house had an enclosed yard now\u2014and tiny purple and red flowers were scattered on the limbs of the plants. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray used to be able to walk to the beach from their house, had made the trek hundreds of times. Had his parents found out about the development? No, they had probably moved just before. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray led his brother to the beach\nbut instead of taking Ray\u2019s familiar route, they walked between houses and\npadded down paved residential streets. Gravel was still visible in the front\nyards where grass had yet to grow. Sweat coated Ray\u2019s body. He didn\u2019t remember ever\nbeing hot on this walk and he didn\u2019t know if it was all the concrete or the age\nhe\u2019d put on like a couple of pounds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cRay, what are we doing?\u201d Oscar asked, pulling on Ray\u2019s arm. They were in between two houses but the ocean was out there, Ray could see it, could feel it beckoning him. He wanted to bathe himself in its waters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cYou said you wanted to see the ocean,\u201d Ray said. He shook his brother off and trotted through the grass. He pulled off his shoes and walked the last couple of feet to the sand. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cI never said that,\u201d Oscar said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cThe water feels great out here,\u201d Ray said, his feet sinking deep into the hot sand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Oscar paused. He closed his eyes; he appeared to be listening to something, but Ray wasn\u2019t sure what. Birds and insects alike thrummed, filling the air with their noise, their being. Oscar kicked off his loafers and joined Ray.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cYou shouldn\u2019t have brought me here,\u201d Oscar said. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhy not?\u201d Ray asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Oscar didn\u2019t respond, but he followed Ray as Ray led them down to the beach. Plenty of houses backed up to the water, but no one was outside. An abandoned table, home to a tabletop umbrella, fluttered its canvas wings at them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray began undressing. He felt\ngiddy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cRay, what the fuck! Why are you doing this?\u201d Oscar asked. His voice sounded smaller, pleading, like when they were kids. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray felt very big. He had led his brother to this place, this familiar place, without even realizing it. And Oscar had followed. Ray waded into the water, which felt colder than he had remembered. Temperature has no effect on a child. How long had it been since he\u2019d been in the ocean, even seen it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray stood in waist-high water, feeling lightweight in just his boxers. It was the middle of the day, what if people saw them? Ray laughed. People would think he was crazy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cCome on!\u201d Ray yelled. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhy?\u201d Oscar asked, his voice loud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cDon\u2019t you miss it?\u201d Ray asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Oscar didn\u2019t say anything at first, but Ray heard him mumble, \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cThen what are you waiting for?\u201d Ray asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cRay, there\u2019s something I haven\u2019t told you,\u201d Oscar began.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhat is it?\u201d Ray said. He didn\u2019t know why this moment was so important. Could one swim in the ocean save a man? He remembered reading <em>The Awakening<\/em> in school and never knowing whether the woman had drowned herself or not. But Oscar wouldn\u2019t be able to swim into the horizon because Ray was here, Ray the older brother, the protector. He needed to do a little more of the leading.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Oscar began to grin, to really smile. Seagulls crowed above their heads. Oscar chucked off his shirt and pants and held his arms wide, like he was trying to capture all the water in the ocean. He ran into the waves, fell laughing into them. The water embraced him, holding him in its grasp until he stood up and rejected it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Ray waded through the water to his brother and wrapped him in a slippery embrace. They both fell laughing into the water; saltwater flooded Ray\u2019s ears and his eyes stung with it when they resurfaced. Oscar was crying but he was smiling too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">__________<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>Amanda Hays<\/strong> is from Allen, Texas, but currently lives and writes in Oklahoma City. Her work has appeared in <em>Cheat River Review<\/em>, <em>Lost Balloon<\/em>, <em>Little Patuxent Review<\/em>, <em>mojo<\/em>, and <em>The Indianapolis Review<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>__________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignleft size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"438\" height=\"211\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-15484\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1.jpg 438w, https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1-300x145.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 438px) 100vw, 438px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-large-font-size\">&lt;&lt; Back <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/2020\/05\/21\/encounter-by-benjamin-kessler\/\">Next<\/a> &gt;&gt;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">To learn more about submitting your work to <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/boudin-submissions\/\">Boudin<\/a><\/em> or applying to McNeese State University&#8217;s Creative Writing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/mfa-application-submissions\/\">MFA program<\/a>, please visit Submissions for details.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Sound of Silence Amanda Hays __________ Ray couldn\u2019t decide which of the oozing, bleeding bags of meat would most please his brother. The overhead lights in the meat section of the Piggy Wiggly were dim, the air cool. After much deliberation, he tossed one of the packages into his basket, not bothering to be&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[252,25],"tags":[93,75,77,26],"class_list":["post-13743","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boudin-2020","category-fiction","tag-amandahays","tag-boudin","tag-mcneesereview","tag-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13743","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13743"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13743\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22334,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13743\/revisions\/22334"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13743"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13743"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13743"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}