{"id":13677,"date":"2019-02-15T05:46:00","date_gmt":"2019-02-15T11:46:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/a-few-things-before-coffee-by-nicholas-john-francis-claro\/"},"modified":"2026-05-12T16:07:39","modified_gmt":"2026-05-12T21:07:39","slug":"a-few-things-before-coffee-by-nicholas-john-francis-claro","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/2019\/02\/15\/a-few-things-before-coffee-by-nicholas-john-francis-claro\/","title":{"rendered":"A Few Things Before Coffee"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<ul class=\"wp-block-social-links is-content-justification-right is-layout-flex wp-container-core-social-links-is-layout-765c4724 wp-block-social-links-is-layout-flex\"><li class=\"wp-social-link wp-social-link-facebook  wp-block-social-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=61556140010887\" class=\"wp-block-social-link-anchor\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M12 2C6.5 2 2 6.5 2 12c0 5 3.7 9.1 8.4 9.9v-7H7.9V12h2.5V9.8c0-2.5 1.5-3.9 3.8-3.9 1.1 0 2.2.2 2.2.2v2.5h-1.3c-1.2 0-1.6.8-1.6 1.6V12h2.8l-.4 2.9h-2.3v7C18.3 21.1 22 17 22 12c0-5.5-4.5-10-10-10z\"><\/path><\/svg><span class=\"wp-block-social-link-label screen-reader-text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n\n<li class=\"wp-social-link wp-social-link-instagram  wp-block-social-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/boudin_mcneese\/\" class=\"wp-block-social-link-anchor\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M12,4.622c2.403,0,2.688,0.009,3.637,0.052c0.877,0.04,1.354,0.187,1.671,0.31c0.42,0.163,0.72,0.358,1.035,0.673 c0.315,0.315,0.51,0.615,0.673,1.035c0.123,0.317,0.27,0.794,0.31,1.671c0.043,0.949,0.052,1.234,0.052,3.637 s-0.009,2.688-0.052,3.637c-0.04,0.877-0.187,1.354-0.31,1.671c-0.163,0.42-0.358,0.72-0.673,1.035 c-0.315,0.315-0.615,0.51-1.035,0.673c-0.317,0.123-0.794,0.27-1.671,0.31c-0.949,0.043-1.233,0.052-3.637,0.052 s-2.688-0.009-3.637-0.052c-0.877-0.04-1.354-0.187-1.671-0.31c-0.42-0.163-0.72-0.358-1.035-0.673 c-0.315-0.315-0.51-0.615-0.673-1.035c-0.123-0.317-0.27-0.794-0.31-1.671C4.631,14.688,4.622,14.403,4.622,12 s0.009-2.688,0.052-3.637c0.04-0.877,0.187-1.354,0.31-1.671c0.163-0.42,0.358-0.72,0.673-1.035 c0.315-0.315,0.615-0.51,1.035-0.673c0.317-0.123,0.794-0.27,1.671-0.31C9.312,4.631,9.597,4.622,12,4.622 M12,3 C9.556,3,9.249,3.01,8.289,3.054C7.331,3.098,6.677,3.25,6.105,3.472C5.513,3.702,5.011,4.01,4.511,4.511 c-0.5,0.5-0.808,1.002-1.038,1.594C3.25,6.677,3.098,7.331,3.054,8.289C3.01,9.249,3,9.556,3,12c0,2.444,0.01,2.751,0.054,3.711 c0.044,0.958,0.196,1.612,0.418,2.185c0.23,0.592,0.538,1.094,1.038,1.594c0.5,0.5,1.002,0.808,1.594,1.038 c0.572,0.222,1.227,0.375,2.185,0.418C9.249,20.99,9.556,21,12,21s2.751-0.01,3.711-0.054c0.958-0.044,1.612-0.196,2.185-0.418 c0.592-0.23,1.094-0.538,1.594-1.038c0.5-0.5,0.808-1.002,1.038-1.594c0.222-0.572,0.375-1.227,0.418-2.185 C20.99,14.751,21,14.444,21,12s-0.01-2.751-0.054-3.711c-0.044-0.958-0.196-1.612-0.418-2.185c-0.23-0.592-0.538-1.094-1.038-1.594 c-0.5-0.5-1.002-0.808-1.594-1.038c-0.572-0.222-1.227-0.375-2.185-0.418C14.751,3.01,14.444,3,12,3L12,3z M12,7.378 c-2.552,0-4.622,2.069-4.622,4.622S9.448,16.622,12,16.622s4.622-2.069,4.622-4.622S14.552,7.378,12,7.378z M12,15 c-1.657,0-3-1.343-3-3s1.343-3,3-3s3,1.343,3,3S13.657,15,12,15z M16.804,6.116c-0.596,0-1.08,0.484-1.08,1.08 s0.484,1.08,1.08,1.08c0.596,0,1.08-0.484,1.08-1.08S17.401,6.116,16.804,6.116z\"><\/path><\/svg><span class=\"wp-block-social-link-label screen-reader-text\">Instagram<\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-large-font-size\"><strong>A Few Things Before Coffee<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>Nicholas John-Francis Claro<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">__________<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Dear Marjorie,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The world it seems has a smaller heart than I originally thought. I\u2019m not sure what that means, but it sounds tragic and somehow a little beautiful, too. I thought I would share it with you. The line came to me in a dream I can\u2019t quite piece together. When I woke in a predawn haziness half an hour before my alarm was set to detonate that was all I remembered of it. From bed to shower to kitchen table, where I sit writing this to you, it echoed in my head like the chorus of a catchy song. Though it has since stopped, now that I\u2019ve given it a place to rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I know I usually call on the anniversary, but I don\u2019t feel up to it today. That\u2019s the purpose of this email. I hope you\u2019ll understand. In bed last night when I was watching the news, they played a little bit of footage from yesterday\u2019s attack that had been caught on someone\u2019s iPhone and I thought: Well, there they go again. I changed the channel. I fell asleep ten minutes later watching a rerun of How I Met Your Mother. Isn\u2019t that terrible? I kept asking myself what Lawrence would have thought of that. Would have thought of me, I mean. I do know after clicking on the notifications from The New York Times and The Huffington Post I had on my phone and giving them each quick read while I used the bathroom earlier, the man who drove the car into the crowd yesterday was taken into custody and sustained injuries only from his own recklessness\u2014this was after he sped off and wound up crashing into the side of a building more than 10 blocks away. He then proceeded to flee on foot from the wreckage and while doing so exhausted the magazine of a 9mm semiautomatic at police cruisers and a news helicopter. This wild firing killed two more people and they <em>still<\/em> took him in <em>alive<\/em>. It amazes me the things you can get away with in this country if you\u2019re simply born white.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:4px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I\u2019m sorry to unload on you like this. I haven\u2019t yet had my coffee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:4px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I should mail you a bag or two of the Geometry blend from Onyx. I know it\u2019s been a long time since you\u2019ve had it and I remember how much you loved that place and their coffee. Anyway, I will say it is a shame I won\u2019t get to hear you read whichever poem it is you that you\u2019ve chosen. I mentioned how you do a different poetic recitation every year to a close friend of mine last week when we were out to lunch, and while finishing a mouthful of chicken salad, Johnathon reared back a little, fixed his glasses and said, \u201cThat\u2019s a really sweet gesture. I never would have thought of something like that.\u201d I told him you didn\u2019t, and how you got the idea from a novel you love so much. <em>The Sportswriter<\/em>, isn\u2019t it? I don\u2019t know why I did that. I shouldn\u2019t have said anything except for maybe, \u201cIt is,\u201d\u2014because it really <em>is<\/em> <em>sweet<\/em>. Truly. Regardless of how you got the idea. Be sure when you write back to post a link to the poem, if that\u2019s possible. I\u2019ll read it aloud in my very best Marjorie Wynn voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:4px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I haven\u2019t been outside. Not sure if I will today. The thought of wearing anything but boxer shorts is unappealing. I can imagine how it feels outside, given the A\/C kicked on earlier and hasn\u2019t yet quit. I\u2019m sure you\u2019re experiencing about the same. How much different could our weather possibly be? Tulsa is only two hours west. &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I can\u2019t shake this mood, so let me get this out of the way, since I know, too, every year at some point during our conversation I tell you this and each time you interrupt me at one point or another by saying, \u201cPlease, Henry, you don\u2019t have to. You don\u2019t.\u201d But you can\u2019t do that now, so here I go\u2014it\u2019s not your fault and I\u2019m sorry I couldn\u2019t see that for so long, as clearly as it is now. I remember arguing about whether or not we should have let Lawrence go to that march. How I said no, because I was terrified at what might happen down there. And how you said yes because one day you said you hoped it would pave the way for a time when he wouldn\u2019t have to be afraid because of his very nature\u2014even in The South, you said, where people believe they have a mandate from heaven to discriminate against their brothers and sisters. You brought up his rights. His passion. His voice. You had such a compelling argument. How could I have not conceded? And I know even if I had been able to talk you into agreeing with me, I know Lawrence would have gone anyway. Snuck out of his window or, more his style, walked right passed us and through the front door to\u2026 oh, what was the boy\u2019s name again? The one from Springdale who drove him to Little Rock that day? The really good-looking one? I can\u2019t for the life of me remember. Only that he was shot, too, but managed to pull through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I\u2019m almost done, just one more thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I\u2019m sorry for allowing you to cling to hope for so long. That wasn\u2019t very good of me. I kept telling myself it would pass. But I knew deep down it might not. And if it did, it would surely take a long time, and during that tenure of grief things were going to be abandoned and left to crack and break apart. But I mostly kept that to myself, and I shouldn\u2019t have. I should have clued you in on this particular bit of foresight. My old therapist once asked me a few weeks after we buried Lawrence how life was at home. I don\u2019t think I ever told you this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cHow do you think?\u201d I said. \u201cOur only child was killed. Senselessly <em>murdered<\/em>. I walk by his room every morning. Do you know what that does to a person?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">He stared hard at me through his thick glasses (I\u2019m convinced all clinical psychologists wear glasses) and said, \u201cThat isn\u2019t exactly what I meant. But while we\u2019re on the topic, have the two of you thought about relocating into a smaller place?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I took this as: <em>Hey, you and your wife are in your 40s and you\u2019ll probably not want to have another child. But if you do and you try and succeed you\u2019re going to be running a lot of risks. Why don\u2019t you just cut your losses?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I don\u2019t remember what I called him. I just remember doing it loudly. When I stormed off down the long hallway I noticed all the doors were open. But I didn\u2019t see anything inside of the rooms, any furniture or people or paintings that may have hung slightly askew, because I was already crying. Regardless, they may as well have been empty. What I do remember thinking was each door was like a day in an advent calendar that had already passed, and I was rushing to see what the last one had in store for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:4px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I\u2019ve gone on quite long enough, haven\u2019t I? I set out to write you something brief; the only goal of its composition to explain how you needn\u2019t call today. Had I known this was going to wind up being so long, I would have told you to print this off in the beginning. I know how strained your eyes get looking at a computer screen even after a few minutes. But I\u2019m all the way down here now and it\u2019s such a long way back to the top.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Warmest to you and Kevin both,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Henry<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">__________<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/nicholas_claro\"><strong>Nicholas John-Francis Claro<\/strong><\/a> is a writer and editor living in Fayetteville, Arkansas. His work has appeared in <em>Existere: A Journal of Arts &amp; Literature<\/em>, <em>Gravel<\/em>, <em>Linden Avenue<\/em>, <em>Every Day Fiction<\/em>, <em>Sky Island Journal<\/em>, <em>Pithead Chapel<\/em>, &amp; others. He is currently at work on a novel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>__________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignleft size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"438\" height=\"211\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-15484\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1.jpg 438w, https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1-300x145.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 438px) 100vw, 438px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-large-font-size\">&lt;&lt; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/2019\/02\/21\/a-bad-seed-by-a-i-chow\/\">Back<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/2019\/02\/26\/no-sweeter-fat-by-jess-e-jelsma\/\">Next<\/a> &gt;&gt;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">To learn more about submitting your work to <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/boudin-submissions\/\">Boudin<\/a><\/em> or applying to McNeese State University&#8217;s Creative Writing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/mfa-application-submissions\/\">MFA program<\/a>, please visit Submissions for details.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A Few Things Before Coffee Nicholas John-Francis Claro __________ Dear Marjorie, The world it seems has a smaller heart than I originally thought. I\u2019m not sure what that means, but it sounds tragic and somehow a little beautiful, too. I thought I would share it with you. The line came to me in a dream&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[254,25],"tags":[26,39],"class_list":["post-13677","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boudin-2019-winter-edition","category-fiction","tag-fiction","tag-nicholasclaro"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13677","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13677"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13677\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22676,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13677\/revisions\/22676"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13677"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13677"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13677"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}