{"id":13665,"date":"2019-01-24T08:00:38","date_gmt":"2019-01-24T14:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/my-plastic-dreams-by-mark-budman\/"},"modified":"2026-05-12T16:06:04","modified_gmt":"2026-05-12T21:06:04","slug":"my-plastic-dreams-by-mark-budman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/2019\/01\/24\/my-plastic-dreams-by-mark-budman\/","title":{"rendered":"My Plastic Dreams"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<ul class=\"wp-block-social-links is-content-justification-right is-layout-flex wp-container-core-social-links-is-layout-765c4724 wp-block-social-links-is-layout-flex\"><li class=\"wp-social-link wp-social-link-facebook  wp-block-social-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=61556140010887\" class=\"wp-block-social-link-anchor\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M12 2C6.5 2 2 6.5 2 12c0 5 3.7 9.1 8.4 9.9v-7H7.9V12h2.5V9.8c0-2.5 1.5-3.9 3.8-3.9 1.1 0 2.2.2 2.2.2v2.5h-1.3c-1.2 0-1.6.8-1.6 1.6V12h2.8l-.4 2.9h-2.3v7C18.3 21.1 22 17 22 12c0-5.5-4.5-10-10-10z\"><\/path><\/svg><span class=\"wp-block-social-link-label screen-reader-text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n\n<li class=\"wp-social-link wp-social-link-instagram  wp-block-social-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/boudin_mcneese\/\" class=\"wp-block-social-link-anchor\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M12,4.622c2.403,0,2.688,0.009,3.637,0.052c0.877,0.04,1.354,0.187,1.671,0.31c0.42,0.163,0.72,0.358,1.035,0.673 c0.315,0.315,0.51,0.615,0.673,1.035c0.123,0.317,0.27,0.794,0.31,1.671c0.043,0.949,0.052,1.234,0.052,3.637 s-0.009,2.688-0.052,3.637c-0.04,0.877-0.187,1.354-0.31,1.671c-0.163,0.42-0.358,0.72-0.673,1.035 c-0.315,0.315-0.615,0.51-1.035,0.673c-0.317,0.123-0.794,0.27-1.671,0.31c-0.949,0.043-1.233,0.052-3.637,0.052 s-2.688-0.009-3.637-0.052c-0.877-0.04-1.354-0.187-1.671-0.31c-0.42-0.163-0.72-0.358-1.035-0.673 c-0.315-0.315-0.51-0.615-0.673-1.035c-0.123-0.317-0.27-0.794-0.31-1.671C4.631,14.688,4.622,14.403,4.622,12 s0.009-2.688,0.052-3.637c0.04-0.877,0.187-1.354,0.31-1.671c0.163-0.42,0.358-0.72,0.673-1.035 c0.315-0.315,0.615-0.51,1.035-0.673c0.317-0.123,0.794-0.27,1.671-0.31C9.312,4.631,9.597,4.622,12,4.622 M12,3 C9.556,3,9.249,3.01,8.289,3.054C7.331,3.098,6.677,3.25,6.105,3.472C5.513,3.702,5.011,4.01,4.511,4.511 c-0.5,0.5-0.808,1.002-1.038,1.594C3.25,6.677,3.098,7.331,3.054,8.289C3.01,9.249,3,9.556,3,12c0,2.444,0.01,2.751,0.054,3.711 c0.044,0.958,0.196,1.612,0.418,2.185c0.23,0.592,0.538,1.094,1.038,1.594c0.5,0.5,1.002,0.808,1.594,1.038 c0.572,0.222,1.227,0.375,2.185,0.418C9.249,20.99,9.556,21,12,21s2.751-0.01,3.711-0.054c0.958-0.044,1.612-0.196,2.185-0.418 c0.592-0.23,1.094-0.538,1.594-1.038c0.5-0.5,0.808-1.002,1.038-1.594c0.222-0.572,0.375-1.227,0.418-2.185 C20.99,14.751,21,14.444,21,12s-0.01-2.751-0.054-3.711c-0.044-0.958-0.196-1.612-0.418-2.185c-0.23-0.592-0.538-1.094-1.038-1.594 c-0.5-0.5-1.002-0.808-1.594-1.038c-0.572-0.222-1.227-0.375-2.185-0.418C14.751,3.01,14.444,3,12,3L12,3z M12,7.378 c-2.552,0-4.622,2.069-4.622,4.622S9.448,16.622,12,16.622s4.622-2.069,4.622-4.622S14.552,7.378,12,7.378z M12,15 c-1.657,0-3-1.343-3-3s1.343-3,3-3s3,1.343,3,3S13.657,15,12,15z M16.804,6.116c-0.596,0-1.08,0.484-1.08,1.08 s0.484,1.08,1.08,1.08c0.596,0,1.08-0.484,1.08-1.08S17.401,6.116,16.804,6.116z\"><\/path><\/svg><span class=\"wp-block-social-link-label screen-reader-text\">Instagram<\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-large-font-size\"><strong>My Plastic Dreams<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>Mark Budman<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">__________<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Once, in the past or future, but definitely not in the present, I worked as a transportation minister for a friendly dictator, whose name was neither Hitler, nor Stalin, nor Kim Jong-Un, but whose mustache was toothbrush, whose smile was sardonic to the point of nausea, and whose face was fat and round.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cHey, you,\u201d He told me in his usual brief, concise, terse, laconic and curt way. \u201cI hate flying. Build me a new road from North to South so I can go on vacation by car.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cCertainly, My Friend,\u201d I said, because we called our bosses \u201cMy Friend\u201d in our country, and they called us \u201cHey, you.\u201d My Friend just abolished proskynesis. I missed that; we needed all the exercise we could get and the floors in the palace were as clean as any exercise mat.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cYour wish is my command,\u201d I added. \u201cIt&#8217;s my honor and privilege to serve you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I was good with words and He knew it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I assembled my underlings and told them: \u201cHey, you. I need a budget and schedule for a new road from North to South so that My Friend can go on vacation by car.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cYour wish is our command, My Friend\u201d they said in unison. They were not as good with words as I. That is why they were my underlings. Their underlings were even worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The next day, I came back to My Friend with a budget of a 100 million gold pieces and a schedule of three years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cOne million and three months,\u201d He said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cYes, My Friend, I said.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I called my deputy and told him, \u201cHey, you. Bring me an Aladdin lamp.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cI need a budget of a 100,000 gold pieces and a schedule of a year, My Friend.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Definitely not good with words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201c1,000 gold pieces and tomorrow. Or else.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">He brought the lamp in 24 hours. It was plastic and stained. Oh, joy! More reason that I needed a different deputy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I dismissed him and rubbed the lamp, and a genie the size of my thumb came out. He was blue and green with nothing in between. No sense of aesthetic whatsoever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cWhat\u2019s up, dude?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">Did he realized whom he was dealing with? I suppressed the urge to have him shot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cHey, you, I need to build a new road from North to South on a budget of a 100,000 gold pieces within a year so that My Friend can go on vacation by car. Can you do it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I thought and added, \u201cOr else.\u201d \u201cOr else\u201d was normally understood in our country, but you never know what genie understands.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cSure, dude. For 10,000 gold pieces commission. Cash.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cDeal. But you must call me \u2018My Friend.\u2019 Both words capitalized.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The Genie built the road in 11 months on a budget of a 90,000 gold pieces. It was only one lane wide and no shoulders. But the Friend\u2019s convoy managed to get to the South without any trouble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The following day, the genie came. \u201cMy 10,000 gold pieces commission, my Friend.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I wrote him a check.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cSir! We agreed on cash, My Friend.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">&nbsp;\u201cWhat are you going to do with the money?\u201d I asked. \u201cThere is no room in your lamp for any cash. Do they have banks for genies?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cI&#8217;ll buy a new lamp. I want solid gold. It was my life-time dream you know. A shiny new lamp. I mean, My Friend.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I pressed a button. Two bodyguards appeared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cHey you, have him shot,\u201d I ordered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">They tried to grab him, but their hands went right through his body as if it were made out of smoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">\u201cNice work, dude,\u201d he said and disappeared inside his lamp.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I ordered it to be crushed under a tank, and so they did. I watched it turning into a plastic dust. I slept like a baby that night, a leather bag with 10,000 gold pieces and a torn check under the mattress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">And then they called me and said that the Friend turned into a plastic statue of himself, equipped with a detachable toothbrush mustache, as soon as his convoy hit the road back North. They blamed my road. After I worked so hard and delivered it under the budget and in record time? What happened to justice and morality in this country?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">I took out a gun to shoot myself. But it turned into a plastic toy in my hands. So I sat in a rocking chair, waiting for the agents with the real guns,&nbsp; and sang \u201cOde to Joy\u201d in my best German, which wasn\u2019t so good. My Korean, Russian and were a tad better, but they had no joy in Russia, let alone Korea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">The door opened, and I said, \u201cBang, bang\u201d before they did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">__________<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>Mark&nbsp;<span id=\"0.03845700687603193\" class=\"currentHitHighlight\">Budman<\/span><\/strong>&nbsp;was born in the former Soviet Union, and English is a second language for him.&nbsp; His writing appeared or forthcoming in <em>Witness<\/em>, <em>Five Points<\/em>, <em>Guernica\/PEN, American Scholar<\/em>, <em>Huffington Post<\/em>, <em>World Literature Today<\/em>, <em>Mississippi Review<\/em>, <em>Virginia Quarterly<\/em>, <em>The London Magazine<\/em> (UK), <em>McSweeney&#8217;s<\/em>, <em>Failbetter<\/em>, <em>Sonora Review<\/em>, and elsewhere. He is the publisher of the flash fiction magazine <em>Vestal Review<\/em>. His novel <em>My Life at First Try<\/em> was published by Counterpoint Press to wide critical acclaim.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">__________<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignleft size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"438\" height=\"211\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-15484\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1.jpg 438w, https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/37\/2024\/01\/boudin-logo-1-300x145.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 438px) 100vw, 438px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-large-font-size\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/2019\/02\/21\/a-bad-seed-by-a-i-chow\/\">Next<\/a> &gt;&gt;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\">To learn more about submitting your work to <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/boudin-submissions\/\">Boudin<\/a><\/em> or applying to McNeese State University&#8217;s Creative Writing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/mfa-application-submissions\/\">MFA program<\/a>, please visit Submissions for details.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My Plastic Dreams Mark Budman __________ Once, in the past or future, but definitely not in the present, I worked as a transportation minister for a friendly dictator, whose name was neither Hitler, nor Stalin, nor Kim Jong-Un, but whose mustache was toothbrush, whose smile was sardonic to the point of nausea, and whose face&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[254,25],"tags":[26,27],"class_list":["post-13665","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boudin-2019-winter-edition","category-fiction","tag-fiction","tag-markbudman"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13665","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13665"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13665\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22674,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13665\/revisions\/22674"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13665"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13665"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcneese.edu\/thereview\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13665"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}